How Christian Marriages Point Others to the Gospel

When Things Get Twisted

Remember the game of telephone? One person whispers a message to the next, who whispers to the next, and by the time it reaches the end of the line, the original message has been completely warped and twisted into something unrecognizable.

That's what has happened to marriage in our world. As a result of sin, God's beautiful design for marriage has been twisted, distorted, and redefined into something it was never intended to be.

So what should we do in response to this? We look to God's Word, seeing the beauty of marriage as God has designed it and obeying it. And here's what's remarkable: when we do this, our marriages actually become a witness to Christ. They point the people around us to the gospel.

Main Point: Christians are to bear witness to Christ in their marriage by obeying God's Word.

In other words, living out our marriage as God intended actually points others to Christ. We see this throughout 1 Peter 3:1-7, and it begins with a concept that our culture has completely misunderstood: submission.

The Beauty of Submission

1 Peter 3:1-2 begins with Peter bringing up the idea of submission, a topic that can be quite controversial in our culture. Submission has been warped by the world into something oppressive, weak, outdated, and patriarchal. Our culture calls it the loss of individual autonomy.

But this is an incorrect way of looking at submission. So what does Scripture actually tell us about it?

When we look at Ephesians 5:22-33 alongside 1 Peter 3, we can see clearly what submission is and what it is not.

What Submission Is Not

Submission is not submission to every man. It is clear in both passages that the submission here is to the husband alone.

It is not just agreeing with everything. Peter writes of the Christian wife submitting to her disobedient or unbelieving husband, so they clearly do not agree on the most important thing of all, the gospel of Christ. It is not just blindly following.

It is not putting the husband's will before the will of God.

It is not fearful. When submission is done in the way God intended, it is fearless, meaning that the wife does not live in fear of her husband but respects him.

What Submission Is

Submission is a picture of the gospel, as seen in Ephesians 5. Just as the church submits to the authority of Christ, so should a wife submit to her husband. And just as Christ sacrificially loved the church and laid Himself down for her, husbands are called to sacrificially love their wives.

It is fearless, rooted in trust of God's design.

It is voluntary. Husbands do not have the responsibility to ensure that wives submit to them.

John Piper defines it this way: "Submission is the defined calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and so help to carry it through according to her gifts."

Ultimately, submission is a picture of the gospel, one that we are to steward and cultivate in our own lives. And this brings us to our next point.

The Witness of the Christian Wife

1 Peter 3:1-6 shows us how Christian wives witness to Christ in their marriage as they obey God's design for their lives.

Peter especially has in view the context of a wife who is married to a disobedient or unbelieving husband, a husband who is actively hostile to the Word of God. The verb in this passage actually focuses on disobedience rather than unbelief, and Peter may be addressing both believing and unbelieving husbands here.

The Power of Conduct

The Christian wife's life has an evangelistic aspect to it by means of her conduct. This conduct includes her submission, her holiness, and her inward adornment rather than outward adornment.

Verses 3-4 tell us that women should focus on who they are in relation to God rather than their looks. Think of it like a tree: the root is the heart, and the fruit is the resulting actions. Through focusing on the inward, on holiness, reverence of God, and your relationship with God, the outflow from your heart will make this outward conduct so much easier and joyful.

What a person is on the inside does not remain hidden but manifests itself in the way wives behave in everyday life. In particular, women should strive for "a gentle and quiet spirit" because these qualities are incorruptible, whereas clothing, jewelry, and braided hair are transitory and will fade away.

This is not a "do better" gospel. You cannot do any of this in your own strength or will. This is a life constantly dependent upon the Lord, a life marked by Christ.

As an unbelieving husband observes the seemingly inexplicable joy and peace of his wife, the Spirit will use this to awaken him to the gospel.

Without a Word?

Verse 1 says they may "be won without a word." Peter is not forbidding women from speaking but is rather saying that their godly, loving, and respectful behavior will probably be more effective in persuading their husbands of the truth of the gospel than verbal argumentation alone. However, remember Romans 10:14-21 teaches us that actions alone are not enough to understand the gospel. Both witness and words matter.

The Example of Sarah

In verses 5-6, Peter gives us an Old Testament illustration of what this kind of life looks like. He uses the specific example of Sarah but also speaks of a broad group of Old Testament women who would have likely included Rebekah, Rachel, and Leah. Each of these women exhibited a preference for the internal over the external and godly submission to their husbands.

Peter alludes to Genesis 18:12, where Sarah is praised because she honored Abraham when no one was listening. And Peter encourages wives not to give in to fear but to hope in God, trusting that He will vindicate them.

The Witness of the Christian Husband

Verse 7 turns to the responsibilities Peter places on husbands. Remember the standard Christian husbands are held to in Ephesians 5: to sacrificially love their wife as Christ has loved the church and laid Himself down for her. This is the foundation on which all else rests.

The Husband's Responsibilities

Husbands are called to live with their wives "in an understanding way," which more literally means "according to knowledge." This includes understanding that wives are the "weaker vessel," which does not refer to moral, spiritual, or intellectual capacity but most likely speaks of lesser physical strength and perhaps social status as well.

An obedient Christian husband shows respect to his wife because they are a coheir of the grace of life. Women are equally included in the saving benefits of Christ's work. Equal but complementary. We were made differently, and these differences are not weaknesses.

Prayer Hindered?

The passage ends with a warning that if husbands are mistreating their wives, not being obedient to what God has called them to, their prayers will be hindered. Think of it like the fruit-to-root illustration: if we are mistreating our wives, the odds are that we are not living before the face of God. We are not pursuing His will. So when we pray in this state, whatever we may pray will most likely not be in accordance with the will of God, making our prayers ineffective.

Wayne Grudem writes: "No Christian husband should presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished by his life without an effective ministry of prayer. And no husband may expect an effective prayer life unless he lives with his wife in an understanding way, bestowing honor on her."

Living It Out

For Those Married to Unbelievers

Your actions, behavior, and demeanor can all either point your spouse toward Christ or away. Strive to be obedient to God's Word, living a life of godliness, living out the gospel in your life. Husbands, this means sacrificially loving your wife as Christ has loved the church and honoring her. Wives, submit to your husbands and live a life of godliness that he may be pointed to Christ.

For Married Believers

Husbands, sacrificially love your wife and honor her. Wives, submit to your husbands and live a life of godliness that you may point each other and those around you to Christ. Even if you are in a marriage with another Christian, still pursue these things, as they are a witness to Christ for those around you.

For Singles

The way you live and act influences how people see Christ. Do your actions match with what you speak?

For All

Submit your lives to Christ. Live a life marked by the reality of being in Christ. Christians are to bear witness to Christ in their marriage by living out God's design with joy, faithfulness, and love.

Small Group Questions

ICE BREAKER QUESTIONS

1. Have you ever played the game of telephone where a message gets passed person to person and becomes completely warped by the end? What message got twisted the most? How does this game illustrate what happens to God's design for various things in our culture?

2. What's one marriage (from real life, movies, or TV) that made you think "that's what I want" or "that's what love looks like"? What specifically about that relationship was attractive or inspiring to you?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. The sermon's main idea is: "Christians are to bear witness to Christ in their marriage by obeying God's word." How does the way married Christians treat each other serve as a witness to unbelievers? What might a God-honoring marriage communicate about the gospel that words alone cannot?

2. The sermon clarified what biblical submission IS and IS NOT. Looking at the "is not" list (not submission to every man, not just agreeing with everything, not putting husband's will before God's will, not fearful), which misconception about submission is most common in our culture? How can we clearly communicate what biblical submission actually means?

3. The sermon defined submission as "the wife honoring and affirming her husband's leadership and helping to carry it through according to her gifts" (John Piper). Combined with Ephesians 5's teaching that this mirrors how the church submits to Christ, how does understanding submission as a picture of the gospel change the way we view it? Why is this beautiful rather than oppressive?

4. Peter specifically addresses wives married to "disobedient" or unbelieving husbands (1 Peter 3:1). The sermon said the wife's conduct—her submission, holiness, and reverent behavior—has an evangelistic aspect "without a word." How can godly behavior be more effective than arguments in pointing someone to Christ? What are the limits of this (remembering Romans 10:14-21 says we still need to hear the gospel)?

5. Peter emphasizes "the hidden person of the heart" and "a gentle and quiet spirit" over external adornment (1 Peter 3:3-4). Using the "fruit to root" illustration, how does focusing on who you are in relation to God (the root/heart) naturally produce godly conduct (the fruit)? Why is trying to produce the fruit without addressing the root exhausting and ineffective?

6. The sermon used Sarah as an example, noting "she is praised because she honored him when no one was listening" (Genesis 18:12). Why does private honor matter more than public performance? How does this principle apply beyond marriage to all our relationships and our walk with God?

7. For Christian husbands, Peter commands: live with your wife "in an understanding way," recognize she is the "weaker vessel," and show her honor as a coheir of grace (1 Peter 3:7). The sermon clarified "weaker vessel" refers to physical strength and social status, not moral, spiritual, or intellectual capacity. How does understanding this prevent misuse of this passage while still calling husbands to protective, honoring leadership?

8. The sermon emphasized that husbands are called to "sacrificially love their wife as Christ has loved the church and laid himself down for her" (Ephesians 5:25). This is the foundation for everything else. What does sacrificial love look like in practical, daily marriage? How is this just as challenging (or more so) than the call to submission?

9. Peter warns that husbands who don't honor their wives will have their prayers hindered (1 Peter 3:7). The sermon explained: "If we are mistreating our wives, not being obedient to what God has called us to, the odds are that we are not living before the face of God... making our prayers ineffective." Why is the marriage relationship such a direct indicator of our relationship with God? What does this reveal about God's priorities?

10. The sermon applied this passage to singles as well: "The way you live and act influences how people see Christ. Do your actions match with what you speak?" For those who aren't married, how do these principles (living a life marked by Christ, pursuing godliness, honoring others, acting in ways that witness to the gospel) still apply? How can singles prepare now for potential future marriage by cultivating these character qualities?